Of Twitching and Parental Prerogatives
by Quiet Moon
Summary: Never put Uchiha Mikoto, Inuzuka Hana, and Haruno Sakura in the same room. Uchiha Fugaku, Uchiha Itachi, and Uchiha Sasuke will be scarred from it. /AU\ /OOCness\


**Note: This is AU for a reason, people Note: This is AU for a reason, people. And credit to MintiNeko for inspiration. Read her fic, "Gone the Wrong Way", and all her other amazing pieces.**

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**Of Twitching and Parental Prerogatives**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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"Whose crazy idea was it to let those three meet?!"

"…hn."

"You aren't helping!"

"…"

Cue the twitch.

"Hn."

* * *

"Fugaku?"

"Hn…?" the Uchiha patriarch answered carefully, knowing very well that when his wife used _that _tone, something had to be up. That something usually wasn't a good thing. At least not for those involved in the matter. For Mikoto, none of her conspiracies/gossip floods were a bad thing. They were wonderful ways to _help _the subject in need!

Now if only the poor souls that had fallen victim to that could agree.

"Have you heard the latest word from the kunoichi grapevine?"

Oh no, not the gossip one. Fugaku almost, _almost_, favored the conspiracy over the gossip. An evil Mikoto, he could deal with. A gossip obsessed one…

Kami, send Minato down to save him, now.

"…hn?"

"…"

Okay, something had to be wrong. Mikoto did not use that tone of voice and suddenly decide to stay silent. The only time she would ever fall into that epitome of silence was…

_Twitch._

He needed to warn them, now. But how would he be able to create a shadow clone and send it speeding off to find the victims of Mikoto's next plot without her noticing? In other words, may Kami have pity on their souls.

Poor Itachi and Sasuke. It would be the fifth time in six months that their mother had sprung one of her tenacious schemes on them.

"Mikoto?" The sooner he knew, the better.

"…"

"Mikoto." This time, he used a slightly firmer voice.

"…"

"Mikoto!" That had to get her attention. He never got this expressive, save for very rare circumstances such as this one.

"I think Itachi and Sasuke are courting!"

Silence. Dead, cricket-chirping silence. Another twitch.

"…Courting?" he stated in a disbelieving voice, almost sounding strangled.

She nodded. "Mmmhm."

"Both of them?" he asked, this time in a weak voice.

"Mmmhm." Now her voice was firmer.

_Blink._

"I see." He used that strangled voice, yet again.

Silence.

"ITACHI?!"

"Mmmhm."

"Oh dear Kami, what has this world come to?"

"I know."

* * *

"My father wants to meet you." It was merely coincidental that this exact sentence was stated by two different people in two different people, namely the veterinary hospital and a certain red bridge that had always been a common meeting spot.

"Why?" Once again, it was a pure coincidence.

"Hn." Now if only _that_ wouldn't be stated twice.

Then, there was a double sigh. Not at the same time, of course, one would wonder how _that_came to be when the two inacters of the verb were in two different places. "Okay. I suppose your father would be the type to give out the same information you tend to give me."

In other words, nada. Zilch. Nothing.

Still, what on earth was going on?!

"Hn." Of course.

* * *

"How did he find out?" The disbelieving younger brother woud be nudged even further into disbelief if he heard that his father had been a near copy of his current profile in the morning.

"Hn." Unfortunately, the elder brother was not helping.

"Aniki, how? You know everything, you have to know."

"…hn."

Twitch.

Oh, how the mighty fall.

* * *

"Hello, Uchiha-sama." The first greeting came from the second Tsunade. A dark-haired specter stood at her side (Okay, so maybe it wasn't a specter, perhaps a _sulking_…nah, some things still had to be kind to the unfortunate soul.

"Hn." At least this one was polite.

"Ah, Sasuke, Haruno-san. Please, come in."

The tiniest of sweat drops formed on the side of Fugaku's temple, invisible to the other residents of the room. One down. Why was he participating in this again?

* * *

"Hn." A raised eyebrow.

"Where is your…friend?"

"Hn." _She is coming._

"When?"

A half-hearted sigh, almost inaudible, was the reply, because Uchiha Itachi _never_sighs. "Hn."

"OI, UCHIHA!"

"Aa."

Fugaku's eardrums were still ringing as he stepped behind his elder son and his companion to close the door. Why on earth did Inuzukas have to be so loud?

* * *

"You see here? Come on, Hana-san, squeeze in here; this is Itachi when he was only three years old!" A barely muffled squeak erupted from the huddle of females that was quick to morph into choking laughter. After all, Inuzukas did not squeak.

"You've got to be kidding me; that's Itachi?!"

"Oh, Mikoto-san, is there one of Sasuke-kun like this?"

"Are you mocking me, my dear?" A feigned gasp was heard from the group as the pushover (yes, pushovers, after all, they were Uchiha, not just Uchiha, but the _head _Uchiha, and they were being pushed around by women. The women who were essentially the most important in their dreary lives, but nonetheless, they were being pushed around) men were forced to endure the sheer embarrassment. "Of course I have pictures of Sasuke like this! And please, Sakura-san, Hana-san, just call me Mikoto."

"Okay! Call me Sakura then!" The outright reply was a ringing siren for more of the black–no the precious memories (cough, cough, cough).

"Same goes for me! Hana is just fine!"

"Now, more bl–pictures!"

"Of course, there are dozens more of Sasuke like this than I ever got of Itachi!"

An undignified snort came from the younger females, and a slight smirk adorned the face of the elder males. The elder brother of the said embarrassed figure was wallowing in his younger sibling's misery, as any good big brother would do. The father…well, he needed to get _something_ out of this, didn't he? At least he wasn't being humiliated in this.

"Oh, look! I just found pictures of Fugaku from our courting years!" The said father froze, not believing his terrible luck. The sons looked at their father in utter shock and pure amusement, if it was possible to mix those two emotions together and portray them on their faces. Then, a high-pitched squeal came from the Uchiha matriarch. "I just found the key to the cabinet where the _albums_ are kept! I'd wondered where it had gone!"

Twitch.

Itachi and Sasuke looked towards their father, _their father, the figure they followed throughout the years_. Didn't he say that he had hidden the key somewhere _safe_? Meaning, where their mother couldn't find it?

Apparently not.

"Otou-san, do something!" The hiss came from Sasuke.

"Otou-sama, Okaa-sama is about to reveal the secrets you swore never to let see the light of day again." Unfortunately, even that didn't get a reaction. Sasuke looked frantically between his older brother, his father, and the euphoric group females that were going to turn into _absolutely diabolical_ females any minute now.

"Whose crazy idea was it to let those three meet?"

"…hn." What a wonderful big brother.

"You aren't helping!"

"…" Exactly.

Cue the twitch. One had to wonder who twitched more: the elder brother, the younger, or the father.

"Hn."

"Aniki! Do you have any idea what is going on?"

"…no," he actually answered. Sasuke swept his eyes around the tidy (how could he notice _that_, of all things, when his dignity was on the line here?!) room, looking for signs of an apocalypse.

"I believe your mother is exercising her parental prerogative." The two prodigies turned to look at their father, who had finally spoken after an eternity of silence.

"Parental…prerogative?" Sasuke asked weakly. Itachi just stared warily at his father.

"Yes…I believe it has something to do with both of you courting for the first time."

"And you helped her set this up?!"

Cue the wince there. "You know how your mother tends to get…"

Although understanding could stem, this was not something to be easily forgotten. Their dignities were on the line here! Unfortunately, the last sentence was also the last reaction the other two males could get from their father. Now, all they could do was stare blankly at the unfolding scene. And twitch, of course. What was an Uchiha without twitching? At least the males. The females seemed more adept at humiliating their mates.

"Aniki, do you want to train?"

"Hn." _Hell, yes._

"I know a good spot. They'll never find us there."

"Hn." _Then lead the way, now. We need to get out of here._

* * *

And so, the prides of Konoha ran for their lives to escape their devious mother. Their ladies on the other hand…

* * *

"Oh, let's look at that one! It looks promising."

"Just ask, and ye shall receive, dear!"

* * *

This has been swimming in my head for a while now. As stated before, inspiration was derived from MintiNeko.

And I know that the manga says that Itachi has a lover. I don't care.

I'm sorry about the probable messiness. I'm not good with humor.

-Quiet Moon


End file.
